i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
His nipple licking is glorious
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