You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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