The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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