I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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