Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
