Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
