It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
