drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
