I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
