Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
