good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
