I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
