ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
