where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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