I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
