see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
