called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
