Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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