Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I cannot find my penis.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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