Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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