can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
