I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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