This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
