Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I accidentally had phone sex last night
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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