i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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