I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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