I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
