It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
