Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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