The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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