what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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