it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
