I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
