my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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