On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
