I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
