I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
