I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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