Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
