dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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