just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
