Ambien. No doubt about it.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
