I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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