LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
