So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
