this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
