apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
