Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
