whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
