This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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