Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
