I just made out with a guy for $7.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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