I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need to calm my uterus...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
